Expectations.

People have unrealistic expectations sometimes. Take for example this afternoon. I'd just arrived at Causeway Point and it was raining, which is always bad news for bikers. I had never ridden here before and was half frantically searching for the carpark entrance when I saw this line of vans queuing at an entrance which I assumed was the carpark entrance. I turned in. And realised at that moment that this was the goods loading/unloading bay. Just at that moment, the security guard shouted at me and indicated with wide sweeping gestures that I should U-turn. Was he really serious?! U-turning on a steep ramp which doesn't allow the tyres to get a good grip to begin with, not to mention that my tyres are almost worn out. And that they were wet. There were scores of vans and pickups streaming out of the loading/unloading bay. How the HECK was I supposed to U-turn there?! I proceeded all the way down and did a U-turn at the loading bay itself. As I emerged, the @#$@% guard was smiling and shaking his bloody head. KNN! At that moment I really felt like giving him the finger. Already, being drenched by the rain, plus some other unpleasant stuff incurred during the early parts of the day, I was very pek chek liaoz. Then I have this moronic guard shaking his head like Noddy nods his nutcase in Toyland.

Maybe I do have unrealistic expectations. Of myself. Of God. Of my parents. Of my family. Or my girlfriend. Of the people around me. Expectations that have led me to lose faith, just like the way I've lost faith in prayer for instance. Oh don't get me wrong. I still believe prayer has power. But my belief and reliance on it has diminished somewhat. I don't think I'd ever prayed so hard, or so long, or in such ernest in my entire life the way I did that night. Praying for my family. Well, didn't work. They always say God has his reasons for letting things happen. Sometimes this piece of 'logic' doesn't really tally to me. What's the reason for allowing certain disasters to happen? For allowing terrorists to even exist for instance? For allowing my family to fragment. If I had lowered my expectations, would it have helped?

My friends have been asking me to go to their churches. Well, I dunno. Doctrine wise Mt Carmel has the perfect climate for me. Heck, I grew up there. But the way they'd treated Daniel when he was run over by that van...which reminds me; I haven't decided whether or not I still want to have a few words with that idiot Issac.

Heh kinda miss my old mechcomm days...~

frEfaSh