Beyond Redemption
During the Ride Safe 2007 that I attended last Saturday, a fiasco occurred that has been the laughing point for many of the NUS riders I went with. We were all seated for the prize giving ceremony, which came immediately before the lucky draw. I fished into my helmet bag, but rummaging around, was unable to find my ticket. Even emptying the contents of my bag out onto the chair and putting them back one by one did not unearth the bloody ticket. Giving it up as a lost cause, I assumed I'd dropped the ticket somewhere and thought, aiyah won't so heng they call my number one la..won't win anything one. I've not won anything through a lucky draw before anyway. So imagine the hoohaa when everyone realised that the very first number announced was the number for my ticket.
Everyone turned towards me, excitedly telling me that it was my number; they knew as Ken Hui's number was one more than mine as we'd taken our tickets together. And then as I searched frantically and futilely for my stupid ticket, the emcee went "calling once, calling twice...ok next number...", and everyone was asking me why I didn't go up. My response of "I lost my ticket la" drew laughter and a smattering of sympathy; I'd lost the chance to win a hamper consisting of two cans of birds nest soup and 12 bottles of chicken's essence.
The general consensus was that :I was 'suay'...not meant to win the prize la...never mind la chicken essence nia...you got no box, also no space to put what so nevermind la". I took it all in stride. The lucky draw meant little to me, even if it was the first price of a new Samsung handphone that I'd passed up, I wouldn't have felt too bad about it...merely irritated. I just brushed it off that I'd simply lost my ticket...too bad.
When I got home, I opened up my helmet bag intending to store away all the freebies given away during the event. And lo and behold...once I unzipped the bag...there was the bloody ticket lying smugly on the very top of the pile of freebies. WTF. When it mattered...I search so long..empty out my bag and cannot find. Now reach home liao the bugger is right on top of the pile in my bag! The 'ai wan' (wasted) feeling suddenly amplified itself.
In the midst of my conversation with WQ last night, we discussed our plans for the future...on how we would work for probably 5-10 years to save up enough capital before opening a business together..a business we were confident will succeed since we are consumers in that particular industry and feel that certain things are lacking that could be easily provided. We detailed our plans, how we'd import certain machines, go to the relevant authorities for approval, what kind of membership benefits we'd offer and such. We spoke till the wee hours of the morning, realising the extent of which time flew by in the meanwhile only when the first bus roared past his house, and the discussion was detailed enough that if we had put pen to paper then, we'd have a detailed enough proposal to submit to the bank for a loan. We revised, evaluated, re-revised, discussed and planned.
And then a realisation hit me. I do have a plan. I freaking do have a life plan. It's not the case I stated in my previous entry where I said had no plan and needed to wake up my idea and make plans before it's too late. I do have a plan. I know exactly where I want to be in the future, have known for at least a year or so; WQ and I had actually been discussing and refining our plan all the way back from our 2A days. And along with this realisation came another thought. She'd asked me for assurance, asked me what I wanted to do in the future. Back then, while I racked my brains to find an answer, it didn't strike me that this plan I have with WQ WAS my plan for the future. I didn't think of it, didn't find the correct answer even though it was there all this while. And while it wasn't as if I was diao er lang dang and noncommittal towards my future, I gave her the impression that I was because it bloody did not occur to me at those points that..fuck..this WAS my plan dammit. And so instead of pouring my assurances on her by telling her this plan, I gave her vague, noncommittal answers...to her disappointment.
And so here it is. Just like the ticket became worthless and unredeemable when I found it later on, the realisation that I have had a solid plan for the future for about two years is virtually worthless. I wonder what would have happened had I told her those plans then, had it struck me to tell her those plans...had i found the answers that were there all this while. Would it change anything? Would we be happier? Why didn't I think of telling her this before? It's almost as if I'd been blinded by some malicious hand, just like I was blinded from finding the bloody ticket. How did this happen? Was it because I didn't really understand what she was seeking from me? Haiz. I don't know. It's so stupid...so so stupid. Idiot. Kick me. Hard.
Faux pas.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
Everyone turned towards me, excitedly telling me that it was my number; they knew as Ken Hui's number was one more than mine as we'd taken our tickets together. And then as I searched frantically and futilely for my stupid ticket, the emcee went "calling once, calling twice...ok next number...", and everyone was asking me why I didn't go up. My response of "I lost my ticket la" drew laughter and a smattering of sympathy; I'd lost the chance to win a hamper consisting of two cans of birds nest soup and 12 bottles of chicken's essence.
The general consensus was that :I was 'suay'...not meant to win the prize la...never mind la chicken essence nia...you got no box, also no space to put what so nevermind la". I took it all in stride. The lucky draw meant little to me, even if it was the first price of a new Samsung handphone that I'd passed up, I wouldn't have felt too bad about it...merely irritated. I just brushed it off that I'd simply lost my ticket...too bad.
When I got home, I opened up my helmet bag intending to store away all the freebies given away during the event. And lo and behold...once I unzipped the bag...there was the bloody ticket lying smugly on the very top of the pile of freebies. WTF. When it mattered...I search so long..empty out my bag and cannot find. Now reach home liao the bugger is right on top of the pile in my bag! The 'ai wan' (wasted) feeling suddenly amplified itself.
In the midst of my conversation with WQ last night, we discussed our plans for the future...on how we would work for probably 5-10 years to save up enough capital before opening a business together..a business we were confident will succeed since we are consumers in that particular industry and feel that certain things are lacking that could be easily provided. We detailed our plans, how we'd import certain machines, go to the relevant authorities for approval, what kind of membership benefits we'd offer and such. We spoke till the wee hours of the morning, realising the extent of which time flew by in the meanwhile only when the first bus roared past his house, and the discussion was detailed enough that if we had put pen to paper then, we'd have a detailed enough proposal to submit to the bank for a loan. We revised, evaluated, re-revised, discussed and planned.
And then a realisation hit me. I do have a plan. I freaking do have a life plan. It's not the case I stated in my previous entry where I said had no plan and needed to wake up my idea and make plans before it's too late. I do have a plan. I know exactly where I want to be in the future, have known for at least a year or so; WQ and I had actually been discussing and refining our plan all the way back from our 2A days. And along with this realisation came another thought. She'd asked me for assurance, asked me what I wanted to do in the future. Back then, while I racked my brains to find an answer, it didn't strike me that this plan I have with WQ WAS my plan for the future. I didn't think of it, didn't find the correct answer even though it was there all this while. And while it wasn't as if I was diao er lang dang and noncommittal towards my future, I gave her the impression that I was because it bloody did not occur to me at those points that..fuck..this WAS my plan dammit. And so instead of pouring my assurances on her by telling her this plan, I gave her vague, noncommittal answers...to her disappointment.
And so here it is. Just like the ticket became worthless and unredeemable when I found it later on, the realisation that I have had a solid plan for the future for about two years is virtually worthless. I wonder what would have happened had I told her those plans then, had it struck me to tell her those plans...had i found the answers that were there all this while. Would it change anything? Would we be happier? Why didn't I think of telling her this before? It's almost as if I'd been blinded by some malicious hand, just like I was blinded from finding the bloody ticket. How did this happen? Was it because I didn't really understand what she was seeking from me? Haiz. I don't know. It's so stupid...so so stupid. Idiot. Kick me. Hard.
Faux pas.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
posted by Metalfyre at
9/08/2007 05:58:00 AM
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