Imposing Judgement

I just don't know where to start...how to start this post. All the 'WHY?!?'s swirling around in my head. Wondering why they think like this. Why girls think in this way. And why they choose to impose their thinking on me. Why... This has no longer become a question...more of a resigned statement.

In both my relationships, both tell me they feel they don't deserve me. Both tell me they think they should allow me to go and find someone who would really appreciate me and treat me better, because, in their eyes, anyone else will appreciate me more than them. And having arrived at this conclusion, they go on to impose it on me...throwing me into the depths of melancholy.

It seems my opinion has no weight in this matter. It doesn't seem to matter if I don't mind being under appreciated. Doesn't seem to alter her perception when I say that doing all these, tolerating any under appreciation (which I do NOT feel) is my expression of love to her. Doesn't seem to make a difference if I am willing to take all these because I love her. Doesn't seem to change anything if I say that I don't want someone else appreciating me...I only want her. I only want her.... :(

I don't mind...I've never ever minded that she didn't seem to appreciate certain things...that she didn't seem to treat me well enough. I never felt that way in fact. And all I ask in return is her love. Just love me. And that is enough. Just accept me. And that is sufficient for my needs. Anything else can be settled when there is love. Anything can be discussed, worked out, ironed straight. With love, any compromise can be struck, for love fuels the need to make things work out...doesn't it?

Has showering my girl, my love with all the love that I can spare suddenly become a crime? Do I have to treat her like shit sometimes for her to feel she deserves me? Is the old anecdote of girls liking bad guys true? Is there no girl out there who appreciates pure, unadulterated love? The kind love that I try and try to show to the one I love?

Or am I just a fucking loser who can't ever give my loved one what she wants, what she feels she needs? I should just stay away from relationships then...

Love, the panacea...has suddenly become the bitter root for all my pain.


不说出的温柔

你是否忘记了
那时候的笑容
如果我已不在你心中
舍不得为什么
你说过的以后
留下我能不能圆梦
那天空云很多
看不见你的轮廓
只剩下太多来不及说

(是我你好吗
没什么事
只是想知道你好不好
这是我最后一次打给你了
希望你好好照顾自己)

不说出的温柔
让你离开我
我以为你都会懂
等着你
我才发现难过

很难说有没有
想念过你的手
可能是我不愿去触碰
不记得本来你
有没有擦口红
反正是我已经错过
那天空云很多
看不见你的轮廓
剩下太多来不及说

想哭的冲动
开始在失去以后
才等着你的手
拥抱我的寂寞
该说的时候
早应该大声的说
那种认真的沉默
弄巧成拙
不说出的温柔
让你离开我
我以为你都会懂

想哭的冲动
开始在失去以后
已经擦干了泪
为何还有点痛
该说的时候
早应该大声的说
爱已经留下缺口
剩下沉默
不说出的温柔
让你离开我
去拥抱你要的梦
别担心我
我会好好过

...

想哭的冲动

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest,he has the world.
When you leave him...he has lost everything.

I'm burning all the candles you gave me.
I'll burn the green one last...because it's your favourite colour.

Did you know....

that....



I still love you.....





and that...






I still want you by my side...


Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.