Rider Profile
*I actually made a longer post but blogger hanged...so yeah*
Tuesday night saw me on the road with Red Leader and Peter Pan with his spanking new PGM 4 chiming away merrily to the tune of "Jingle Bells" whenever he clutched in. I was cruising on at a comfy 80km/h, watching apathetically as the traffic whizzed by when something that I had been aware of at an unconscious level suddenly quit niggling and surged to the surface of my consciousness. Those road users amongst you, surely you must have realised at one point or another how alike our fellow road users are, in one way or another. In fact, it's the simplest thing in the world to group them together into categories, which is what I did.
Firstly, starting from the extreme left lane, we have the Coffin Dodgers. These drivers and riders are easily spotted, going at a speed of 60km/h when the posted speed limit is 90km/h, having lorries and trucks tailgate them and then, overtake them in exasperation. Newer additions to the road user population might mistake this breed from afar, thinking that they might have run into some problems with their vehicle.
A curious glance at the driver's seat as you go past typically reveals an auntie you'd see on Sunday mornings at the wet market, or old folk who already have one foot in the coffin, driving in that manner to avoid mistakenly placing the other foot within, and at the same time driving truck drivers mad. Occassionally, you'll spot a youngster at the wheel, but the presence of a particular reflective orange triangle emblazoned on a luminous yellow background would explain his perculiar behaviour.
Next, we have those who've played too much 'Need For Speed 2:Underground' and try to take it to the road. The Speed Junkies, these are typically the young punk who's just passed his class 3, and just got daddy's permission to bring his BMW out for a spin. Or the souped up Civic driver with the babe beside him, having to impress her so he can hopefully bed her later. I wonder if things are this simple:
Guy: Watch this *downshifts and accelerates*
Girl: waa...*voice catches in her throat as the back of her head is pressed into the headrest.
Guy: See? I overtaking all of them like nobody's business!!
Girl: *swoon*...wa...so hero!! Let's have sex!
These are the folk who are generally so useless in life, they are understandably eager to show off whenever they can, even if it merely involves the miniscule ability of depressing the accelerator pedal all the way down, or twisting the throttle; even my 12 year old sister can get a car to its top speed on a straight road once I show her how stepping on the accelerator makes the car go faster. Still, these people persist in their folly, giving you a fantastic eyeful of 4000Kelvin (if you're lucky..some bulb temperatures go even higher) worth of highbeam if you have the terimity to not get out of their way.
The more extreme versions would opt to swerve in front of you from the left and brake hard, giving your heart a good workout before they accelerate away, wasting their tires in search of another victim. Entertain yourself watching them speed away when the road is straight, and then braking so hard their vehicle wobbles when there is but the slightest hint of a bend of a corner. They volunteerily entertain our traffic enforcement wing, lauding them with laughable excuses, amongst which you'd hear of the world's most delibilating stomach ache and the great grand aunt who is dying and wants to see her dear little great nephew for one last time, giving our law enforcers one more reason to snort out coffee through their nostrils and exercise the full range of motion for their eyeballs when they roll their eyes.
We have the Flowers. No no...not the pretty little petalled stuff you see when plants try to reproduce. Flow-ers. The folk who follow the traffic flow speed all the way. These are the typical road user, the type you don't remember or even notice during your journey. The kind you wish we had more of on the road. The more courteous ones even give way when they find themselves unable to keep up with the flow.
Alternatively, Flower could apply to the attractive yet distracting specimens we try to look at instead of paying full attention to the road ahead.
Do you remember the little orange cones we had to avoid during the slalom course? Occasionally, you encounter drivers who behave just like those little orange cones. I call them Pylons. On the road, they are slower than Flowers, and insist on that speed on that lane, irregardless of whether there was a mile between his or her car and the vehicle ahead, or if there was a traffic jam forming up behind. Most likely in cars containing Papa Bear, Mummy Bear, and all the baby bears. There are also the megalomaniacs who think 80km/h is a sound-barrier breaking speed and stick to the extreme right lane like melted cheese in your pizza.
These are the reason we put ourselves through things like 'Pylon Slalom, Crank and S Course'..
Dreamers. Those who drive/ride in the world's most oblivious manner with their heads up in the clouds, lost in their own fantasy world. You may mistake them for Pylons, but the differences are actually rather marked; Dreamers tend to wobble within or a little out of their own lanes. They react too slowly when it comes to bends or corners. They start lane changing maneuvers when the gap is closing. The more daring ones can be spotted chatting away on handphones, betting their licenses on one conversation; these are the folk you see pulling off a show hand in casinos. All or nothing at all. This population is mostly made up of people comprising of middle aged working class individuals in their 30s to older folk nearing their retirement age.
Of course, our road experience would hardly be complete without the Seamstress. Typified by our local taxi drivers, these are the folk who weave in and out of traffic as fluently as a sewing needle, lane changers who switch lane like some young sweet things shake their booties at pubs; they keep doing it, and you wouldn't know which direction they're going to next. Sometimes I wonder if they are trying to break the record of 'Tyre touching the most % of tarmac in Singapore', the way they double their travelling distance meandering through traffic, when the actual distance is so much shorter.
We have the Britney Fans, who sing to her hit single 'Opps I Did It Again' while driving. These are the drivers who cruise on harmlessly, suddenly realise they've missed their exit...and...WHAM...there goes the brake lights, forcing everyone behind to start playing 'Simon Says, Follow The Leader', stopping some 5-10 meters beyond the exit. Some even attempt to reverse. If you haven't spotted any of this species in action, never fear. At the next roundabout(Britney Fans' favourite spot to strike), see if you can spot any bewildered driver stuck in the middle of nowhere, having jammed the brakes after missing their exit. Typically made up of new drivers, or drivers who insist on being unfamiliar with the road despite having been there for countless times ( drivers who never plan their route). The bulk of this population is made up of female drivers in their late 20s to early 30s.
Me? I belong to a rarer breed called the Corner Carvers. I can putter along at 70km/h, but when a corner looms ahead, suddenly increase speed 130km/h for an adrenalin packed heartstopping corner. Erasing chickenstrips is an obsession. Drivers hardly ever fall into this category; I've only seen the Mop, SHC driving like that before, and while WQ and Invader Sim are getting there, I have yet to see other drivers pulling off Initial D stunts. Hence, riders are more prone to fall into this category.
Bank! Dammit...bank!!! **a picture of me moments before I highsided into the seesaw...**
Of course, other than those guys in white, there is the ultimate road user. This one is a good mix of the Speed Junkie, Seamstress, with a sprinkling of Britney Fan tendencies. I call them *takes a deep breath* PIEBKEAYECTEECPKJESLETPENicollHighwayBoonLayWay *runs out of breath*...I guess you get the idea; these are the people who's name (or father's name) changes whenever they turn into a new road.
Traffic Officer: Don't you know you were driving in a very aggressive manner earlier on?
Traffic Officer: And you were speeding! I'm afraid I will have to issue you a summons to court.
Tuesday night saw me on the road with Red Leader and Peter Pan with his spanking new PGM 4 chiming away merrily to the tune of "Jingle Bells" whenever he clutched in. I was cruising on at a comfy 80km/h, watching apathetically as the traffic whizzed by when something that I had been aware of at an unconscious level suddenly quit niggling and surged to the surface of my consciousness. Those road users amongst you, surely you must have realised at one point or another how alike our fellow road users are, in one way or another. In fact, it's the simplest thing in the world to group them together into categories, which is what I did.
Firstly, starting from the extreme left lane, we have the Coffin Dodgers. These drivers and riders are easily spotted, going at a speed of 60km/h when the posted speed limit is 90km/h, having lorries and trucks tailgate them and then, overtake them in exasperation. Newer additions to the road user population might mistake this breed from afar, thinking that they might have run into some problems with their vehicle.
A curious glance at the driver's seat as you go past typically reveals an auntie you'd see on Sunday mornings at the wet market, or old folk who already have one foot in the coffin, driving in that manner to avoid mistakenly placing the other foot within, and at the same time driving truck drivers mad. Occassionally, you'll spot a youngster at the wheel, but the presence of a particular reflective orange triangle emblazoned on a luminous yellow background would explain his perculiar behaviour.
Next, we have those who've played too much 'Need For Speed 2:Underground' and try to take it to the road. The Speed Junkies, these are typically the young punk who's just passed his class 3, and just got daddy's permission to bring his BMW out for a spin. Or the souped up Civic driver with the babe beside him, having to impress her so he can hopefully bed her later. I wonder if things are this simple:
Guy: Watch this *downshifts and accelerates*
Girl: waa...*voice catches in her throat as the back of her head is pressed into the headrest.
Guy: See? I overtaking all of them like nobody's business!!
Girl: *swoon*...wa...so hero!! Let's have sex!
These are the folk who are generally so useless in life, they are understandably eager to show off whenever they can, even if it merely involves the miniscule ability of depressing the accelerator pedal all the way down, or twisting the throttle; even my 12 year old sister can get a car to its top speed on a straight road once I show her how stepping on the accelerator makes the car go faster. Still, these people persist in their folly, giving you a fantastic eyeful of 4000Kelvin (if you're lucky..some bulb temperatures go even higher) worth of highbeam if you have the terimity to not get out of their way.
The more extreme versions would opt to swerve in front of you from the left and brake hard, giving your heart a good workout before they accelerate away, wasting their tires in search of another victim. Entertain yourself watching them speed away when the road is straight, and then braking so hard their vehicle wobbles when there is but the slightest hint of a bend of a corner. They volunteerily entertain our traffic enforcement wing, lauding them with laughable excuses, amongst which you'd hear of the world's most delibilating stomach ache and the great grand aunt who is dying and wants to see her dear little great nephew for one last time, giving our law enforcers one more reason to snort out coffee through their nostrils and exercise the full range of motion for their eyeballs when they roll their eyes.
We have the Flowers. No no...not the pretty little petalled stuff you see when plants try to reproduce. Flow-ers. The folk who follow the traffic flow speed all the way. These are the typical road user, the type you don't remember or even notice during your journey. The kind you wish we had more of on the road. The more courteous ones even give way when they find themselves unable to keep up with the flow.
Alternatively, Flower could apply to the attractive yet distracting specimens we try to look at instead of paying full attention to the road ahead.
Do you remember the little orange cones we had to avoid during the slalom course? Occasionally, you encounter drivers who behave just like those little orange cones. I call them Pylons. On the road, they are slower than Flowers, and insist on that speed on that lane, irregardless of whether there was a mile between his or her car and the vehicle ahead, or if there was a traffic jam forming up behind. Most likely in cars containing Papa Bear, Mummy Bear, and all the baby bears. There are also the megalomaniacs who think 80km/h is a sound-barrier breaking speed and stick to the extreme right lane like melted cheese in your pizza.
These are the reason we put ourselves through things like 'Pylon Slalom, Crank and S Course'..
Dreamers. Those who drive/ride in the world's most oblivious manner with their heads up in the clouds, lost in their own fantasy world. You may mistake them for Pylons, but the differences are actually rather marked; Dreamers tend to wobble within or a little out of their own lanes. They react too slowly when it comes to bends or corners. They start lane changing maneuvers when the gap is closing. The more daring ones can be spotted chatting away on handphones, betting their licenses on one conversation; these are the folk you see pulling off a show hand in casinos. All or nothing at all. This population is mostly made up of people comprising of middle aged working class individuals in their 30s to older folk nearing their retirement age.
Of course, our road experience would hardly be complete without the Seamstress. Typified by our local taxi drivers, these are the folk who weave in and out of traffic as fluently as a sewing needle, lane changers who switch lane like some young sweet things shake their booties at pubs; they keep doing it, and you wouldn't know which direction they're going to next. Sometimes I wonder if they are trying to break the record of 'Tyre touching the most % of tarmac in Singapore', the way they double their travelling distance meandering through traffic, when the actual distance is so much shorter.
We have the Britney Fans, who sing to her hit single 'Opps I Did It Again' while driving. These are the drivers who cruise on harmlessly, suddenly realise they've missed their exit...and...WHAM...there goes the brake lights, forcing everyone behind to start playing 'Simon Says, Follow The Leader', stopping some 5-10 meters beyond the exit. Some even attempt to reverse. If you haven't spotted any of this species in action, never fear. At the next roundabout(Britney Fans' favourite spot to strike), see if you can spot any bewildered driver stuck in the middle of nowhere, having jammed the brakes after missing their exit. Typically made up of new drivers, or drivers who insist on being unfamiliar with the road despite having been there for countless times ( drivers who never plan their route). The bulk of this population is made up of female drivers in their late 20s to early 30s.
Me? I belong to a rarer breed called the Corner Carvers. I can putter along at 70km/h, but when a corner looms ahead, suddenly increase speed 130km/h for an adrenalin packed heartstopping corner. Erasing chickenstrips is an obsession. Drivers hardly ever fall into this category; I've only seen the Mop, SHC driving like that before, and while WQ and Invader Sim are getting there, I have yet to see other drivers pulling off Initial D stunts. Hence, riders are more prone to fall into this category.
Bank! Dammit...bank!!! **a picture of me moments before I highsided into the seesaw...**
Of course, other than those guys in white, there is the ultimate road user. This one is a good mix of the Speed Junkie, Seamstress, with a sprinkling of Britney Fan tendencies. I call them *takes a deep breath* PIEBKEAYECTEECPKJESLETPENicollHighwayBoonLayWay *runs out of breath*...I guess you get the idea; these are the people who's name (or father's name) changes whenever they turn into a new road.
Traffic Officer: Don't you know you were driving in a very aggressive manner earlier on?
Traffic Officer: And you were speeding! I'm afraid I will have to issue you a summons to court.
Driver: I don't have to answer to you.
Traffic Officer: wha..?
Driver: This road is named after me ok! It's my road!
Traffic Officer: This is Boon Lay Avenue you know...
Driver: And my name is Boon Lay! So I can drive like I own the road. Coz it's my road!
Traffic Officer: But you were speeding ever since you were on the PIE.
Driver: Aiyah! Back then, my name WAS 'PIE'. Then when I exited my name became 'Corporation'. After I made the right turn it became 'Boon Lay'. Later when I turn out again my name will become 'Jurong'. Like this also don't understand...
Traffic Officer: ... *draws T-Baton*
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
posted by Metalfyre at
6/16/2005 02:14:00 PM
1 Comments:
I think u can consider being a freelance writer? What you written already seems like an article to me. Journalism might suit you.
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