Deep Reflection
Deep into the still, dark night. Where everything is motionless but for the gentle buffet the fan affords. Far removed from the hustle and bustle of life, the actions and reactions that mar cold, hard thought, this is when the mind begins to wander. Wander back along the lines of time you traipsed in the last twenty four hours or so. Everyone's asleep, even nature herself hushes the whistling wind, waiting with bated breath so as not to disturb your distant reminiscing, as you amble back up the path you traversed in your mind's eye, reliving everything. Watching. Contemplating. And regretting.
How often does one stop to smell the roses? In the flurry of daily activity, many of our blessings, and problems are often taken for granted. Bereft of a pressing nature, these issues are covered over by immediate events of a more urgent manner, and never do arise until we finally arrive back home. Maybe even before, when you are staring blankly at the stranger who is seated across the train cabin. Maybe as you are bathing, allowing the refreshing shower of cool, clean water to provide a sense of washing your troubles away. Perhaps in those fleeting moments as you lie in bed, contemplating yourself to sleep, thoughts fading out as you sink deep into the thick, lazy, meandering river of slumber. Or mayhap, sitting in front of an LCD screen at an ungodly hour, having run out of websites to visit and blogs to entertain your weary mind.
I guess I should be feeling happy, if not content. After all, the exams are over. I feel I've done enough to guarantee a pass, at least. I have my dream bike, all tricked out. I've found my dream girl, and dreams of spending happily ever after with her forments into reality. I am in prospect of a job related to photography, a hobby I've always loved but for the lack of financial means to sustain. I am hale and hearty, and do not want for anything. And the holidays are here.
Why then, does this feeling of disquiet suffuse me? Why do I feel like there is something I could do, should be doing, where there seems to be none? I feel like there is much to be done, and little time to do it. But what? Where? How? Whom? When? Is this feeling of any significance? Or is it just my body's way of telling me that I need my beauty sleep? I feel so tied up with commitments, so short of breath when by right, I am at the stage where I should be free to do anything I want. It is the holidays after all. I shouldn't be saddled with this lousy but poignant sensation.
Gaah~
Maybe it's my utter inability to help my elder brother.
Maybe it's my guilt at my neglect of my younger brother, knowing he is saddled with emotional burdens, not being able to help, and having to get to know through his blog.
Maybe it's the poignant sense of loss, knowing I could have done something to make my dream girl feel better, but passing it off just because she looked okay.
Maybe it's not a good thing to achieve your dreams so quickly; you simply stop progressing, loss of drive has me cornering less crazily on my bike nowadays.
Maybe it's my dissatisfaction in general regarding my fractured family. Having to deal with my beloved Grandma taking snipes at my beloved Dad via myself.
Maybe it's just me...feeling fucked just for the sake of it.
Or maybe, just maybe, I wasn't even feeling this way until I started writing this shite in the blog and got affected by my own words...
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.
Take the quiz
Yes, I feel loved when you touch me, hug me, hold me close to your heart.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
How often does one stop to smell the roses? In the flurry of daily activity, many of our blessings, and problems are often taken for granted. Bereft of a pressing nature, these issues are covered over by immediate events of a more urgent manner, and never do arise until we finally arrive back home. Maybe even before, when you are staring blankly at the stranger who is seated across the train cabin. Maybe as you are bathing, allowing the refreshing shower of cool, clean water to provide a sense of washing your troubles away. Perhaps in those fleeting moments as you lie in bed, contemplating yourself to sleep, thoughts fading out as you sink deep into the thick, lazy, meandering river of slumber. Or mayhap, sitting in front of an LCD screen at an ungodly hour, having run out of websites to visit and blogs to entertain your weary mind.
I guess I should be feeling happy, if not content. After all, the exams are over. I feel I've done enough to guarantee a pass, at least. I have my dream bike, all tricked out. I've found my dream girl, and dreams of spending happily ever after with her forments into reality. I am in prospect of a job related to photography, a hobby I've always loved but for the lack of financial means to sustain. I am hale and hearty, and do not want for anything. And the holidays are here.
Why then, does this feeling of disquiet suffuse me? Why do I feel like there is something I could do, should be doing, where there seems to be none? I feel like there is much to be done, and little time to do it. But what? Where? How? Whom? When? Is this feeling of any significance? Or is it just my body's way of telling me that I need my beauty sleep? I feel so tied up with commitments, so short of breath when by right, I am at the stage where I should be free to do anything I want. It is the holidays after all. I shouldn't be saddled with this lousy but poignant sensation.
Gaah~
Maybe it's my utter inability to help my elder brother.
Maybe it's my guilt at my neglect of my younger brother, knowing he is saddled with emotional burdens, not being able to help, and having to get to know through his blog.
Maybe it's the poignant sense of loss, knowing I could have done something to make my dream girl feel better, but passing it off just because she looked okay.
Maybe it's not a good thing to achieve your dreams so quickly; you simply stop progressing, loss of drive has me cornering less crazily on my bike nowadays.
Maybe it's my dissatisfaction in general regarding my fractured family. Having to deal with my beloved Grandma taking snipes at my beloved Dad via myself.
Maybe it's just me...feeling fucked just for the sake of it.
Or maybe, just maybe, I wasn't even feeling this way until I started writing this shite in the blog and got affected by my own words...
The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probablyPhysical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.
Complete set of results
| Physical Touch: | 11 | |
| Quality Time: | 7 | |
| Words of Affirmation: | 7 | |
| Receiving Gifts: | 3 | |
| Acts of Service: | 2 |
Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.Take the quiz
Yes, I feel loved when you touch me, hug me, hold me close to your heart.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
posted by Metalfyre at
6/02/2006 04:49:00 AM
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