Torn. Asunder.

Looks like you've finally got round to reading this.
And seems like you aren't very happy with what you saw.
I've never told you straight up how I felt so as to spare your feelings.
And you don't like it;lack of communication you say. Trouble isn;t solved, you say.
But when you read my entries, which express my true feelings, and communicates
how I feel, you don't like it either. Hurts your feelings you say. Makes you feel
insecure and scared you say.

I understand. I try my best to. I try my hardest to. But it seems I'm caught between
the devil and the deep blue sea. I'm torn in between. To do, or not to do. I don't know
what you want. As usual.

Disturbing. After 3 years I still cannot fathom what you need. Am I truly the one
who is destined to give you happiness for the rest of your life? How can I, if I don't
even know what you want, so that I can give you what you want, so that I can
make you happy? Which is what I'm supposed to do...which is my role in your
life. God....I feel so bad...
My own girl. And I lack the means to make her happy.

Useless.

Worse than useless.

.

.

.

Went to the Madeira to see the completely renovated apartment. My freaking
gosh it must have been one of the most lavishly furnished and beautiful abodes
I've set my eyes on, not counting those I've seen in the UK.

Normally, when we get a sound system, we just get one, whether good or bad,
and install it, and use it for everything....watching vcds or dvds, singing songs...
Here, there's one BMB system for karaoke...complete with equalisers etc...and
a BOSE system for watching movies.

The whole house is...its like something I might say is my dream house, but would
never dare fantasize about owning. And there it is. Available for me to inhibit if
only I say I want to. The luxuary....vs my place with Dad. Ahh...Again, this old
issue trots by and decides to try and rip me asunder. I will not leave my dad.
But that place is so damn tempting...aiZ...
This really makes me wish nothing had happened, that everything was the way
it used to be. So I didn't have to choose.
I feel like there are 2 kids on either side of me and I'm being tugged simultaneously
by them by my arms.
Decisions and indecisions....

Met PJ's 'sis' Eileen. This really shy girl....sweet n shy. If looks could kill she'd
be a number one killer. When she glared at PJ....ooohhh~ Momma~...save me~!
She thought 'i was a nice guy'...but said it was very 'awkward'...

Talked to Meiyi about her problems. Told her what I'd found out through my
Uncle's experience. Hope it helps.

Missed Kumar's wedding. Not intentional. Got lost in JB. HP no batt.. -_-'
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.