Am I At The Bottom Yet?

Once upon a time, long long ago, I lived for my family.
And because my family was pretty religious, I guess I can say I lived for God as well.
And so, when my family crumbled away, I looked for alternatives. I lived for my better half.
And then, when my better half left me, I scrambled for alternatives. I lived for my school kids.
And now, my kids have, for all intents and purposes, been taken away from me.

One by one, all the reasons I used to motivate myself have been snatched away from my trembling, grasping hands. Just like a lame man who gets his walking stick snatched away from him. Oh, God? He's up there still, I know. He has a plan for me, I know. But He doesn't owe me any favours. All this while I've been taking and taking and taking from Him. Do I have the face to take once again?

What now? Would you have this lame man crawl? But to where? I feel so directionless. Nothing to do. I'm floating on the spot, moving nowhere.

All this while, as these things afflicted themselves on me, I always sought to remain optimistic. And tried to encourage myself by telling me that, hey, it can't possibly get worse than this, things can only get better. And then....

.....

It'd get worse.

I've come to a stage where my optimism has worn itself out. And I can only wonder if I have reached the very bottom yet. Or am I still sliding down? Or will the 'bottom' give way and hasten my descent once more? Am I there yet? AM I?!?

I know some will say "Hey, you still have your friends...", which is true. But consider the limit friends can go for you. Can you live for your friends? Your friends have their own lives as well. What more can a friend do than show his or her concern, sympathising, empathising, and cussing at those who brought about my predacaments. These methods, like my own attempts at optimism might have worked at the very start, but can it last for months? It has almost been a year since the first of my troubles started to bubble to the surface. After a while, it loses its meaning, ceases to help. I don't know how or why this happened; I wished to God these encouragements from my friends and their efforts to cheer me up worked as well as before. I wish for anything to lift my spirits. As it is, I only get release when I ride.

The Bible says that God will not test Man beyond his endurance. I believe I am past that limit. Stretched thin to snapping point. With totally nothing to look forward to.

Wtf...

When are things going to turn?

I know what goes up, must come down. But is the reverse necessarily true?
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.