Feline Fallacy
Ever since that cat peed on my canvas and my front rim, I've been on the lookout for the feline responsible for that veritable mess. The canvas still stinks to the high heavens, despite my greatest efforts in attempting to eradicate the stench with repeated washes. Browsing through the forum, I realised that many people not only experience my problem as well, they have the cat sleeping on their bikes, scratching their seats and dispensing their yellow waste on various parts of the vehicle. Even cars are not exempt; I've seen a cat defecate, tastefully, on a BMW. Along with the complaints came a very fitting description of our feline friends.
Cats are some of the cruellest creatures on the planet. They will kill small animals not because they are hungry, but for fun. They will mate and produce young until they can't survive another litter. Or they will stop only when there is not enough food to go around, and if needs be will eat their young. Cats have virtually destroyed the native wildlife of entire regions and even continents. One cat will roam as far as 6 square kilometers and kill as many as 5,000 creatures in a year.They are rarely tamed, but simply tolerate humans. They will most likely be around long after the last person has gone.
Hence, in line with this defination of cats, we should go on a crusade to eliminate the cruel pests. Stamp out this menace from our society! Save our local critters! See a cat in the neighbourhood? Barbeque it! See a cutesy little kitten hiding under some cartons? Lure it out with some fish, grab it by the scruff of the neck, and toss it out onto the road to become roadkill.
No...wait. That was a very thoughtless and cruel suggestion; imagine the poor car drivers having to wash the innards off the undercarriage. Or causing a biker to skid on the vermicelli...
Besides, kittens are sort of cute, they don't pee or shit on your vehicles, and they can't jump high enough to reach the seat of your bike to sleep on it. So you can probably let em hang around for a while longer till it comes of age.
You'll recognise this coming of age stage when the kitten no longer acknowledges your calls to it, scratches you when you try to play with it, pees on your rims, scratches just about everything it can get its paws on, and kill the poor small animals for fun. When these symptoms start to appear, your kitten has been afflicted by an incurable disease that renders an immediate change of name; your kitten has morphed into a cat. The only solution now would be to eliminate it.
There are a few easy ways to go about doing this without sparing the expense of getting a proper barbeque grill and pit, which most of us flat-dwellers do not have. If you own a vehicle, simply grab the cat by the scruff of its neck and lay it on your exhaust pipe just after you have concluded a long journey.
FAQ #1: What if the cat's fur and flesh sticks to my exhaust? How can I remove this?
While your exhaust is still hot, removal of the charred flesh is relatively easy and can be accomplished with a 20 cent coin. You may prefer to use a 50 cent coin to obtain a better grip. Alternatively, you could wrap the cat up with saran wrap or simply throw it into a handy plastic bag; melted plastic is way easier to remove and comes off easily with a good polish with Autosol.
You could also bring the cat for a ride, since it likes sitting on your ride so much, and then jettison the cargo while you're speeding along the highway like a sack of hot potatos.
FAQ #2: What if the cat attempts to dismount from my vehicle before I move off?
If you asked this, you're a blind moron whose sight and mental disabilities should have had you banned from handling a vehicle in the first place, let alone pillion a cat. I mentioned letting the cat go 'like a sack of pot potatos'....so stuff the damn thing in a sack!
FAQ #3: What if the sack of cat hits the vehicle behind me after I let it go?
Drop the sack in exactly the same manner as you would do a lane change. Check your mirror to ensure that there are no innocent tailgaters who could smash your little bag of goodies, signal to indicate which side you're gonna let em go, check blindspot to be doubly sure, and drop em.
If you do not have access to a vehicle, you could simply drag the feline to the highest ever floor and give it a lesson at skydiving.
FAQ #4: What about the mess downstairs?
Call the friendly folk at the town council to clear up the gunk.
FAQ #5: What if the folk from SPCA come knocking?
Fob em off with some smooth talking dude.
The cat was cold and tried to warm itself up by snuggling up to my exhaust pipe...don't ask me what that plastic bag's for...a raincoat maybe?
Hey...I can't help it if the cat got scared half way through the ride and decided to bail out/ My passenger didn't press the 'stop' button...I didn't know it missed its stop....oh the sack? I think it was going camping.
Guess it was a little too enthusiastic...jumped off before I could fit on the parachute...
If you don't manage to convince them, heck...it's just some time spent cooling your heels in the slammer...
......
Heck...all this talk and I can't even bear to give that cat a good kick on the rump when I see it...
All talk only, no action...juz like the army......
Serene's so gonna kill me...I think Cyn might too...
Someone's ringing the alarm....stuck in the lift at 4 am...wow.
Gonna play Rescue Ranger. Hopefully it's gonna be a gorgeous lass who is so thankful that I saved her that she follows me home and gives me a good lay.
God...I'm tired....
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
Cats are some of the cruellest creatures on the planet. They will kill small animals not because they are hungry, but for fun. They will mate and produce young until they can't survive another litter. Or they will stop only when there is not enough food to go around, and if needs be will eat their young. Cats have virtually destroyed the native wildlife of entire regions and even continents. One cat will roam as far as 6 square kilometers and kill as many as 5,000 creatures in a year.They are rarely tamed, but simply tolerate humans. They will most likely be around long after the last person has gone.
Hence, in line with this defination of cats, we should go on a crusade to eliminate the cruel pests. Stamp out this menace from our society! Save our local critters! See a cat in the neighbourhood? Barbeque it! See a cutesy little kitten hiding under some cartons? Lure it out with some fish, grab it by the scruff of the neck, and toss it out onto the road to become roadkill.
No...wait. That was a very thoughtless and cruel suggestion; imagine the poor car drivers having to wash the innards off the undercarriage. Or causing a biker to skid on the vermicelli...
Besides, kittens are sort of cute, they don't pee or shit on your vehicles, and they can't jump high enough to reach the seat of your bike to sleep on it. So you can probably let em hang around for a while longer till it comes of age.
You'll recognise this coming of age stage when the kitten no longer acknowledges your calls to it, scratches you when you try to play with it, pees on your rims, scratches just about everything it can get its paws on, and kill the poor small animals for fun. When these symptoms start to appear, your kitten has been afflicted by an incurable disease that renders an immediate change of name; your kitten has morphed into a cat. The only solution now would be to eliminate it.
There are a few easy ways to go about doing this without sparing the expense of getting a proper barbeque grill and pit, which most of us flat-dwellers do not have. If you own a vehicle, simply grab the cat by the scruff of its neck and lay it on your exhaust pipe just after you have concluded a long journey.
FAQ #1: What if the cat's fur and flesh sticks to my exhaust? How can I remove this?
While your exhaust is still hot, removal of the charred flesh is relatively easy and can be accomplished with a 20 cent coin. You may prefer to use a 50 cent coin to obtain a better grip. Alternatively, you could wrap the cat up with saran wrap or simply throw it into a handy plastic bag; melted plastic is way easier to remove and comes off easily with a good polish with Autosol.
You could also bring the cat for a ride, since it likes sitting on your ride so much, and then jettison the cargo while you're speeding along the highway like a sack of hot potatos.
FAQ #2: What if the cat attempts to dismount from my vehicle before I move off?
If you asked this, you're a blind moron whose sight and mental disabilities should have had you banned from handling a vehicle in the first place, let alone pillion a cat. I mentioned letting the cat go 'like a sack of pot potatos'....so stuff the damn thing in a sack!
FAQ #3: What if the sack of cat hits the vehicle behind me after I let it go?
Drop the sack in exactly the same manner as you would do a lane change. Check your mirror to ensure that there are no innocent tailgaters who could smash your little bag of goodies, signal to indicate which side you're gonna let em go, check blindspot to be doubly sure, and drop em.
If you do not have access to a vehicle, you could simply drag the feline to the highest ever floor and give it a lesson at skydiving.
FAQ #4: What about the mess downstairs?
Call the friendly folk at the town council to clear up the gunk.
FAQ #5: What if the folk from SPCA come knocking?
Fob em off with some smooth talking dude.
The cat was cold and tried to warm itself up by snuggling up to my exhaust pipe...don't ask me what that plastic bag's for...a raincoat maybe?
Hey...I can't help it if the cat got scared half way through the ride and decided to bail out/ My passenger didn't press the 'stop' button...I didn't know it missed its stop....oh the sack? I think it was going camping.
Guess it was a little too enthusiastic...jumped off before I could fit on the parachute...
If you don't manage to convince them, heck...it's just some time spent cooling your heels in the slammer...
......
Heck...all this talk and I can't even bear to give that cat a good kick on the rump when I see it...
All talk only, no action...juz like the army......
Serene's so gonna kill me...I think Cyn might too...
Someone's ringing the alarm....stuck in the lift at 4 am...wow.
Gonna play Rescue Ranger. Hopefully it's gonna be a gorgeous lass who is so thankful that I saved her that she follows me home and gives me a good lay.
God...I'm tired....
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
posted by Metalfyre at
4/21/2005 04:04:00 AM
5 Comments:
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As you may not know, Millennium Plus is a mobile tracking device, stealthily secured inside a vehicle, that enables you to monitor and control many vehicle features. Employing a constellation of satellites, and patented microburst technology - you interface with your vehicle anytime via the Internet, or access reporting and alert functions by email, cell phone, or pager gps systems,google gps,www.gpsglobal1.net,www.gpsglobal1.com,
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car gps,gps navigation system,handheld gps,
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Millennium Plus operates using an innovative hybrid of technologies, including GPS satellites and patented microburst cell technology. Each time you communicate with the transceiver in the vehicle, there is a two way flow of information.
* When accessing Millennium Plus via the Internet using any standard browser, you send out a signal. That signal then travels to the cell phone tower nearest your current location.
* Microburst technology operates on existing cellular networks to send and receive data packets, tapping into unused channels on the back side of standard cell frequencies.
* The GPS satellites then locate and communicate with the Millennium Plus transceiver on board your vehicle, which exchanges information on location and speed, as well as executing any commands you've sent.
* The cell towers then relay the signal back to you via the exact means by which it was sent.
gps systems,google gps,
car gps,gps navigation system,handheld gps,
gps reviews,gps maps,gps navigation,cell phone gps,gps tracking,gps software,gps units,bluetooth gps,
Millennium Plus operates using an innovative hybrid of technologies, including GPS satellites and patented microburst cell technology. Each time you communicate with the transceiver in the vehicle, there is a two way flow of information.
* When accessing Millennium Plus via the Internet using any standard browser, you send out a signal. That signal then travels to the cell phone tower nearest your current location.
* Microburst technology operates on existing cellular networks to send and receive data packets, tapping into unused channels on the back side of standard cell frequencies.
* The GPS satellites then locate and communicate with the Millennium Plus transceiver on board your vehicle, which exchanges information on location and speed, as well as executing any commands you've sent.
* The cell towers then relay the signal back to you via the exact means by which it was sent.
gps systems,google gps,
car gps,gps navigation system,handheld gps,
gps reviews,gps maps,gps navigation,cell phone gps,gps tracking,gps software,gps units,bluetooth gps,
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