Emotional Burnout

WQ and I. We sat on the bench in his yard, talking. We spoke of all the girls we'd recently gotten to know. Describing. Turning over any perceived hints any one of them may have dropped. Discussing gestures, inviting or otherwise. Cussed at each other for missed chances.

And then, we fell silent. With this unspoken statement hanging in the air. The notion that, even if we hadn't missed any of those chances, we wouldn't have taken them anyway.

WQ and I. Suffering from a severe bout of emotional burnout.

Allow me to illustrate with an allegory.

Picture this. I've been climbing this mountain for almost four years now. Endured the cold, the pain. The fatigue. Sweat running rivulets down my brow, staining my garments. But I hang on. And there, just beyond the wafting clouds, I think I see the summit. And so I strive on, towards that golden nirvana. Suddenly, the handhold I'm gripping on to breaks off, and I tumble ignominously off the side of the mountain.

Well, I'd suppose that by now, the wounds would've healed. The occasional phantom ache, and scars remain, a poignant reminded that the fall did happen, no matter how I try to deceive myself. What's happening now is, I'm looking at the frikkin' mountain, at all the cliffs I must surmount again, and I'm going "Wah kaoZ!!! Sian ah!!" No will, no energy to even get off my bum, not to speak of attempting to scale the damned peak again.

It's frustrating. Somehow, some part of me tells me I need the solace a better half will bring. And yet, I'm feeling so worn out from the last debacle of a relationship break that I cannot do anything about it.

Maybe, maybe someone will come along and help me onto my own two feet along, giving me the push, that sorely needed impetus to try again, to take the first step. But at this moment, all that comes to mind when I think about the effort required to start another courtship...is....

sian
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.