Nadir Point

In the Battletech world, Jumpships play a pivotal
role in providing transport by jumping across distances calculated in light years to bridge the gap between interstellar star systems. When piloting a jumpship, there are various points that a jumpship captain can plot so he jumps into a gravity well instead of materialising into a star system only to be sucked by the gravity of the system's star or a planet. There are the pirate points, gravity wells close to the planets that are ever changing due to the planet's rotation, which provide higher risks, require more precise calculation and gives the captain easier access to a planet's surface. If the captain isn't in a hurry however, he can choose the 2 constant gravity wells in the system. The zenith point, which is the highest point in the star system, and the lowest point in the star system. The nadir point.

I feel like I'm wallowing in that point. Brought down low beyond my knees. Mired nearly nose deep. Stretched taut to my limits. Just as I was struggling up to my feet, searching frantically for some motivation to fuel me, to push me through my days at school. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse. It's ironic. Gabriel tried consoling me saying things could only get better. Heh...now I know. I know. I know how it's like to be at the deepest of the deep. I know how things ALWAYS can get worse. Murphy's law holds true no matter how unlucky or down and out you already are.

All thanks to that hypocrite stinking supervisor of mine. 2 faced beast. 2 headed snake. Low down bastard. Why do I have to encounter these low lifes everywhere I go? Why?

For the past week or so ever since I've returned from my reservist, that asshole hasn't spared me a glance. Walked past me without so much as a word. Doesn't even acknowledge or notice when I flash a smile of greeting when I walk pass. Breezes by my desk without turning. So much for 'wanting to help and advice me' huh? But during the meeting with the principal after the contact time, when he starts talking in her presence, he suddenly transforms into this ultra fatherly figure. "Caleb...I've told you time and time again" in the tone of fatherly admonishment. Like he's really told me time and time again. Finds fault with me about my marking. I'd told him the previous time I'd have it done before my reservist, by the 1st of Febuary. I did so. But he still managed to find fault with that. Told me that when he checked the books a day before, and said I should have had them marked by then. Wtf? I told him 1st of Feb...he agreed, and I did so, and now he says I should have had the sense of urgency to do it earlier?!? The world's 2nd biggest backstabber revealed his ugly tail to me today. Told me I lacked commitment. Heh...if I really did, with all the troubles assailing me at this moment, with my current state of mind, I would have quit long ago. Told me I lacked initiative. Heh...those of you reading this TELL ME IF I LACK THIS TRAIT?!? Added more salt and pepper he did. And I guess he got the desired outcome in influencing the decision of the one other individual whose opinion mattered.

I attempted to defend myself. I would have. Could have. I'm confident my command of language would have enabled me to outspeak him. But I was taken by surprise. And he had perhaps weeks of preparation. The report'd been written and signed long ago. And so I told him I was running through a rough patch. That once I got through it I could do better. The principal seemed to sympathise. But then he tore through it. Saying all that mattered was the teacher's commitment. If I always had problems, would I always behave like this?
Now please tell me for a moment whether anyone would be as unlucky as to get the kind of shit I'm facing in my life now on a regular basis? Always had problems? HAHA what utter nonsense.
He also told me that he always thought for the kids above all his personal problems. REALLY? I'd truly like to see his performance if his wife leaves him, not for another man, but for another woman, or if his kids break their collarbones and ribs. Can he truly perform as professionally as he professes to be able to? *shakes head* This is one typical hypocrite.

I think I'd know if I was truly fucked up or not. Whether I truly deserved this. And I can say this. In spite of the circumstances, I truly tried my best. Why else burn my Hari Raya planning the lesson? I guess the best indicators of whether I was doing my job well would be those who are receiving my teachings. My kids. My students. My angels. Rather than a supervisor who sits in for a lesson or two, and deduces things from his own bias nature and a sample of 1 or 2 books. I KNOW that I've done a good job because of those cards the kids made for me when I wasn't well. Almost all the cards had illustrations of me. One of the card for instance said: 'Why didn't you come to class? Our classmates miss you! Your lessons are the best. You are the best teacher. You chose me as the math group leader. You let us play games....'
What better indicators than this to show me my lessons have been enjoyable? What other signs to show me that I have done my part to make the children interested in their learning processes, so much so that they equate learning with playing games?

Well...so it looks like I'm not going to NIE after all. In one fell swoop, I've lost my means of income, my dream of upgrading, my solution of study and saving up at the same time. I've to worry about finances all over again, now that both me and my dad ain't earning a salary. I've to worry what courses to take. The timing. Whether to take up a part time job. Whether or not to *sigh* ask my mum for money or not. The mental agony of this last decision...having to decide if I want money from the man who broke up my family...and not having a choice because I need the education. Hrraugghh~!!!

I'm so sian, I'm actually past the stage of sian-ness. I feel so numb.
Shere thinks I should strike back by contacting my higher ups.
Dad thinks I should strike back by continuing to do my best, so people will wonder why a productive worker is leaving, and see the bastard for who he is.
Me? I just want to lie down and sleep.

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.