No Spirit

There's this saying that goes something like this:
'the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak'

Ever heard of it?

Ever considered what happens when that 'willing spirit' collapses?
If not, you can just take a look at me.

Devoid of motivation, drive...me minus the fire that fuels me on.
Wanting nothing more than to be given the permission to crawl somewhere to nurse my wounds.

I need the time to heal. To recuperate. To gather myself, pick up the pieces that lie scattered all around me. To come to terms with all the shit that's happened.

Or at least I think so...

Dad thinks I should press on, to leave with a good, lasting impression. But today, when the kids started running amok, I didn't even have it within me to keep them in check, and simply let them do as they please. No energy, no spirit. With my current state of mind, I'm doing the kids no favours by teaching them because I'm not in the condition to make sure they're in the right behaviour for learning to take place.

Shere thinks I should hang on for the money. I think the ignomity of it is just too great to bear. The cold shoulders in the staff room, thanks to his machinations. Having even to have to tolerate the sight of his balding pate, ambling up and down the corridors at school. Sensing a certain degree of self-satisfaction from the principal as I pass her, knowing she's done me in for good.

XL concurs with me. Thinks its pointless continuing. I really feel like taking this path. Quit. Take my time to recover. Do things. Pack up my room. Fix up my bikes. Make sure everything is done, and in tip top working order. Make sure I am in good working order. Find the faintly glowing ember I know is hidden somewhere within the ashes of my hopes and dreams, nurture it, nurse it back to life, and rekindle the flame that keeps me going. Time to get over things.

But won't it be a complete waste of time? From now till my course starts next January? Haiz...

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.