Not Superman
In September 2002, I Passed Out from my basic Police training programme and received my posting to TRACOM as a Swimming Instructor. There, I met someone. This someone not only taught me the ropes on how to be a competent swimming instructor, he taught me the true meaning of friendship. He showed me how far a friend would go for another by example. For instance, he'd rise in the wee hours of the morning at 7am when he could've been languishing in bed just to give me a lift to BBDC for my TP test, because he knew I'd be a bundle of nerves. Being older, he taught and imparted many skills and l wouldn't have come across otherwise.
And even though he later committed an act which was unsanctionable to me, and although that act shattered one of the most beautiful friendships I'd ever experienced in my life (being young, I didn't know how else to handle it, and till now I wonder if breaking this friendship was a big mistake), this person showed me to the most complete magnitude what I appreciated most in a friend, and made me want to give of the same effort, the same sacrifice he made towards me to those around me. After all, who doesn't appreciate a good friend?
And so, since then, I went all out to help those around me whom I perceived were in need. Of course, I was already doing this, or would have done this if the situation had called for it with regards to those who were already close to me (ppl like XL etc). What I'm talking about here are people who weren't that close. Folk who had issues I felt I could help with. Individuals with which I thought I could share this wonderful gift of a close friendship where we could turn to each other in times of need.
And in such a way, I reached out to many people. I don't need to mention any names because those of you whom I've reached out to in this manner would know I'm talking about you. I brought them on bike rides. Supper trips. Trips beyond the border. Talking sessions in parks or at beaches where they poured their woes to me. Chauffeured them to places they needed to be. Accompanied them because they felt lonely. Asked them out especially. Surprised them with little stuff. Amused them with jokes, mainly at my own expense, or with stories from eons past. Shared my life experiences, or riding experiences. Accompanied them as they smoked their troubles away. Thought of solutions, dispensed advice. Tried to cheer them up.
All this, just because one man showed me the true meaning and value of friendship. All this, because I wanted to share this gift. The above list is hardly exhaustive, and is a reflection of what I've tried to do to make them feel special, to cheer them up and spend time with them, like what that person did for me. And all this while, I imagined that everyone would appreciate such treatment. Sure, I anticipated that some might try to take advantage of me, of my niceness. But hey, who would spurn the offer of friendship? Who wouldn't appreciate it? After all, this is how it works with my buddies. I treat them swell and they reciprocate in kind. We're brothers, of a sort.
But then, as time goes past, I am finding it harder and harder to maintain this wider network. I feel my efforts are being rejected, undermined, gone-for-naught, and I find myself retreating to my core group of buddies for refuge. It's frustrating. Frustrating how I'm trying to help others, but it always seems to backfire. Ok...it doesn't 'seem' to. It does backfire.
On one hand, I have friends who suddenly decide they don't want to be so dependant, they want to solve things for themselves. And they push whatever help and concern I offer back into my face. And I feel so helpless, knowing they have issues, but being unable to offer solace of any kind. It's just like the feeling I got that day I brought Red Leader to NUH. There was nothing I could do in the waiting room but wait. Helplessly. Imagining the worst, praying for the best. And I don't, and will never understand why being independant means having to suffer alone to these people. Why? How does pouring out your woes make you dependant? How does keeping everything inside make you more independant? How does suffering alone with noone to comfort you make you more self-reliant? HOW?!?!?! Why don't these people just open up and let those who can help them help?
And I have those who are willing to let me help them, but are not receptive to my advice. These folk come to me with a problem, and I cheer them up and present them with a viable solution. They agree with my diagnosis, and look set to follow my prescription to nip the problem in the bud. The next thing you know, they've gone against everything you've adviced them to do, and are back in square one. And then they come running back to you crying. And you cheer them up again...and the cycle goes on and on. One part of me wants to scream in frustration:"Don't want to listen to advice, ask me FOR FUCK?! Find me to cheer you up FOR FUCK? When the path you're taking is going to make you feel down all over again." But I can't say that. Because I don't want the people in this category to avoid looking for me when they're down because I said this. I desperately want to help but you people are not helping yourselves. WHY?!?
And then I have the people who accept what I've offered in full, and then expect even more. And then blame me because I failed to deliver to that higher threshold of expectations. WHAT??? After all I've done for you, what more do you want of me? Why do you expect things of me you admit you don't for others?!
I am only human. I have my limits. I have my fallacies. And no matter how hard I try and try and try again, I can not be your superman. I cannot. Because God didn't create me as such. And while I want to help, I cannot force any of you to accept my help and open up to me. I cannot force any of you to follow what I advice you to do even though I can see very clearly that that is the best course of action for you. I cannot deliver to your astronomical expectations. I cannot outrun a speeding bullet or leap tall buildings in a single bound for you. I am a human being. A very mortal human being. Not superman.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
And even though he later committed an act which was unsanctionable to me, and although that act shattered one of the most beautiful friendships I'd ever experienced in my life (being young, I didn't know how else to handle it, and till now I wonder if breaking this friendship was a big mistake), this person showed me to the most complete magnitude what I appreciated most in a friend, and made me want to give of the same effort, the same sacrifice he made towards me to those around me. After all, who doesn't appreciate a good friend?
And so, since then, I went all out to help those around me whom I perceived were in need. Of course, I was already doing this, or would have done this if the situation had called for it with regards to those who were already close to me (ppl like XL etc). What I'm talking about here are people who weren't that close. Folk who had issues I felt I could help with. Individuals with which I thought I could share this wonderful gift of a close friendship where we could turn to each other in times of need.
And in such a way, I reached out to many people. I don't need to mention any names because those of you whom I've reached out to in this manner would know I'm talking about you. I brought them on bike rides. Supper trips. Trips beyond the border. Talking sessions in parks or at beaches where they poured their woes to me. Chauffeured them to places they needed to be. Accompanied them because they felt lonely. Asked them out especially. Surprised them with little stuff. Amused them with jokes, mainly at my own expense, or with stories from eons past. Shared my life experiences, or riding experiences. Accompanied them as they smoked their troubles away. Thought of solutions, dispensed advice. Tried to cheer them up.
All this, just because one man showed me the true meaning and value of friendship. All this, because I wanted to share this gift. The above list is hardly exhaustive, and is a reflection of what I've tried to do to make them feel special, to cheer them up and spend time with them, like what that person did for me. And all this while, I imagined that everyone would appreciate such treatment. Sure, I anticipated that some might try to take advantage of me, of my niceness. But hey, who would spurn the offer of friendship? Who wouldn't appreciate it? After all, this is how it works with my buddies. I treat them swell and they reciprocate in kind. We're brothers, of a sort.
But then, as time goes past, I am finding it harder and harder to maintain this wider network. I feel my efforts are being rejected, undermined, gone-for-naught, and I find myself retreating to my core group of buddies for refuge. It's frustrating. Frustrating how I'm trying to help others, but it always seems to backfire. Ok...it doesn't 'seem' to. It does backfire.
On one hand, I have friends who suddenly decide they don't want to be so dependant, they want to solve things for themselves. And they push whatever help and concern I offer back into my face. And I feel so helpless, knowing they have issues, but being unable to offer solace of any kind. It's just like the feeling I got that day I brought Red Leader to NUH. There was nothing I could do in the waiting room but wait. Helplessly. Imagining the worst, praying for the best. And I don't, and will never understand why being independant means having to suffer alone to these people. Why? How does pouring out your woes make you dependant? How does keeping everything inside make you more independant? How does suffering alone with noone to comfort you make you more self-reliant? HOW?!?!?! Why don't these people just open up and let those who can help them help?
And I have those who are willing to let me help them, but are not receptive to my advice. These folk come to me with a problem, and I cheer them up and present them with a viable solution. They agree with my diagnosis, and look set to follow my prescription to nip the problem in the bud. The next thing you know, they've gone against everything you've adviced them to do, and are back in square one. And then they come running back to you crying. And you cheer them up again...and the cycle goes on and on. One part of me wants to scream in frustration:"Don't want to listen to advice, ask me FOR FUCK?! Find me to cheer you up FOR FUCK? When the path you're taking is going to make you feel down all over again." But I can't say that. Because I don't want the people in this category to avoid looking for me when they're down because I said this. I desperately want to help but you people are not helping yourselves. WHY?!?
And then I have the people who accept what I've offered in full, and then expect even more. And then blame me because I failed to deliver to that higher threshold of expectations. WHAT??? After all I've done for you, what more do you want of me? Why do you expect things of me you admit you don't for others?!
I am only human. I have my limits. I have my fallacies. And no matter how hard I try and try and try again, I can not be your superman. I cannot. Because God didn't create me as such. And while I want to help, I cannot force any of you to accept my help and open up to me. I cannot force any of you to follow what I advice you to do even though I can see very clearly that that is the best course of action for you. I cannot deliver to your astronomical expectations. I cannot outrun a speeding bullet or leap tall buildings in a single bound for you. I am a human being. A very mortal human being. Not superman.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.
posted by Metalfyre at
10/21/2005 03:33:00 AM
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