Return To Examinations

Throughout my NS days and the interim periods where I was waiting to be enlisted, and when I was teaching, I did not involve among my activities productive, stimulating neural activity that would produce certain protein links between each brain cell, facilitating the transfer of little electronic impulses whenever I tried to recall something. The little mundane stuff like teaching swimming, screwing some trainees over, Training Safety Regulations, building Tamiya models, or learning how to teach didn't really engage me in a mental capacity that really required me to put some serious thought into it. That said, you could safely state that most of my brain cells went into standby mode.

After three and a half years of not engaging my brain cells to study, I was suddenly required to rouse my braincells from their comatose state and absorb over 200 pages of stuff within 4 days, and it wasn't to say that the content in that bloody textbook was entertaining, to say the least.

Here, lemme give you an example; When you sign up for a Hotmail account, for instance, you encounter this page that has the list of 'Terms and Conditions', and supposedly reading these terms is supposed to be a prerequisite, and you're supposed to browse through and acknowledge that you have read it, and agree to abide by it. Now then, how many of you actually read it?? Let me guess.....none. Why? Because it's so freaking boring, mundane and utterly pointless and irrelevant.

And now that you've got the general idea, picture having to go through in detail 200 pages worth of Hotmail 'Terms and Conditions' so that I can be tested on this subject matter...and you'll realise the enormity of the task my dormant braincells woke up to. And I suppose this shows with the total lack of new blog posts in the past few days, even though I have 5 drafts standing by.

As with all laws and regulations in our country, each clause is fitted with so and 'ands' and 'ors' to cover all possible loopholes, and punctuated with various exceptions, to a point where it becomes an entire paragraph long when a mere 5 word sentence would have sufficed.

Totally. Boring.

Nevertheless, with $105 at stake here, I pressed on and pored over each and every syllable, consonant and vowel. (Man I hate being obligated) I did the mock test, and was pretty encouraged by the initial result of a mere 3 mistakes, which surpassed the passing requirement of 75% by a long shot. But the second mock exam knocked the wind out of me, with a whooping 35 mistakes, which meant I'd failed.

By then I didn't know what to study anymore. Tell me la...how to memorise the different penalties for the offence of 'Tipping Off', 'Non-disclosure of suspicious transactions' and 'Failure to keep proper records'?!? Especially when there are like a hundred times more offences included in the bloody textbook?!

But in spite of it all, I managed to ace the exam. A 2 hour paper I managed to complete and check three times over within half the stipulated time.

And now I got less than a week's worth of time to study for the next paper...*moans...running hands over my face*

For entertainment's sake, here's my Very Own Nation

And the more Dictatorship-like Nation

Go make one for yourself.

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Future Card

The multi-purpose Future Card will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library...whatever you do with the card...you will be tracked! It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad, depending the situation)
However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Ah Beng's Future Card (Likely Scenario)

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have you...?"

Ah Beng : "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."

Operator : "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"

Ah Beng : "its arh..., hold on prease, arh.....S6102-0499-54610FC"

Operator : "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're calling from 17-D Lorong 14, Kepong. Your home number is 6782 8828, your office 6782 8838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Ah Beng : "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"

Operator : "We are connected to the 'Future Card' system Sir"

Ah Beng : "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Ah Beng : "Why....Cannot arh?"

Operator : "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Ah Beng : "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend lah?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Ah Beng : "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Ah Beng : "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han... I give up... Gif me three family sized ones then, how much arh?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $45..."

Ah Beng : "I pay by Future Card...Can or Not?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $6720.55- since October last year"

Ah Beng : "Ka Nee Nah!... Everything also knows...chiat lat!"

Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir."

Ah Beng : "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my house lor"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for 4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"

Ah Beng : "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my Ah Mah. How long arh?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are only 5 mins away"

Ah Beng : "Where got transport?"

Operator : "According to the details in your Future Card", you own a Honda Scooter ...registration number FE 3288..."

Ah Beng : "Ka Nee Nah!"

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Ah Beng : [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brush with the law]

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Ah Beng : "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised or not?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Ah Beng : [Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow']

Convenience vs Privacy...which would you prefer? Me? I'd go out with a wallet full of atm cards, driving licenses etc any day rather than surrender my privacy.

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Flat Out

After roughly more than two and a half years into my riding career, I've encountered my first flat tire. Not a very pleasant experience, as you'll discover.

I'd gone out to meet WeiZ at LAB, and from there we proceeded to Orchard to meet the Wesmeister. I must have run over something long and sharp on the way (or someone could've tampered with my rubbers) coz my tire started leaking, and I didn't realise it until I'd concluded my meeting with Ljunberg, started my bike and started off down the ramp at the carpark; you see, tubeless tires don't deflate nearly as fast when they are spinning as opposed to when they are stationary.

I thought my bearings were faulty at first, when my acceleration seemed a little sluggish and my rear end seemed wobbly. But when upon attempting to bank, my bike seemed like it had a flat piece of wood nailed into the rear rims, and I started to suspect my tire was flat. Upon further inspection, lo and behold...psssshttttt tire.

Without any other alternative, I rode with excruciating slowness and finally arrived at the 1st petrol kiosk, SPC. While attempting to pump air into my tire, I discovered that the tire was so hot from that short journey that every single friggin thing it went over stuck...no...fused to it. The heat was enough to make me snatch away my hand and was almost as hot as the underside of my titanium end can, leaving dirty black rubber stains on my jeans and my hands. Furthermore, the tires looked as if I'd done some crazy cornering with them, with rubber bits everywhere and the burn line almost reaching the end of my chicken strips, a region I touch only when I'm riding hard...and I didn't, or should i say, couldn't even bank. If I'd banked just a wee bit, I think my chicken strips would have been totally eliminated. The kindly attendant came over to help me, and when the pump started fulfilling its purpose, I saw that the initial pressure in my rear tire was a measly 49kPi, which was a far cry from the manufacturer's recommended pressure of 250kPi. I pumped it to 220kPi, whereupon I realised that the tire was leaking, bad. There was this deep gash the rough lenght of my little finger's fingernail, and air was hissing out at and alarming rate that brought an exclamation of 'wa...ur puncture so big ah?!' from a malay rider who'd stopped to ask me for directions. SPC didn't sell any tire repair kits, so I scraped together as much rubber as i could from the little rubbery bits hanging on my tire and tried to seal the hole, pumped the tire as full as I dared, and travelled further down to the next kiosk, Esso.

There, I bought a can of Pennzoil Fix-A-Flat. Pennzoil has really outdone itself. Although I've always thought their brand of 2T stinks, this Fix-A-Flat does it's job rather admirably. Just shake it, screw it on to your valve stem and depress the nozzle. Now, the only down side is the nozzle; it's just frickin' hard to depress it....up till now my thumb's still pretty sore. But all in all, it did the trick...when I arrived at the Shell near my place, the pressure had only dropped to 137kPi, and the hole had stopped dispensing air. There, an indian attendant, whose command of mandarin puts my smattering knowledge of the language to shame, told me that the tire could me mended. I thanked him for his help, filled up the tire and returned home to wash the frickin rubber stains off my hands.

The next touring trip I go to, this product is definately in my To-Bring list.

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.


** I'd also like to add a disclaimer on the previous post that no cats were harmed in the making of that entry. I disclaim responsibility for any individual who acts on the afore mentioned ideas..
:P
Happy now, Serene?

Feline Fallacy

Ever since that cat peed on my canvas and my front rim, I've been on the lookout for the feline responsible for that veritable mess. The canvas still stinks to the high heavens, despite my greatest efforts in attempting to eradicate the stench with repeated washes. Browsing through the forum, I realised that many people not only experience my problem as well, they have the cat sleeping on their bikes, scratching their seats and dispensing their yellow waste on various parts of the vehicle. Even cars are not exempt; I've seen a cat defecate, tastefully, on a BMW. Along with the complaints came a very fitting description of our feline friends.

Cats are some of the cruellest creatures on the planet. They will kill small animals not because they are hungry, but for fun. They will mate and produce young until they can't survive another litter. Or they will stop only when there is not enough food to go around, and if needs be will eat their young. Cats have virtually destroyed the native wildlife of entire regions and even continents. One cat will roam as far as 6 square kilometers and kill as many as 5,000 creatures in a year.They are rarely tamed, but simply tolerate humans. They will most likely be around long after the last person has gone.

Hence, in line with this defination of cats, we should go on a crusade to eliminate the cruel pests. Stamp out this menace from our society! Save our local critters! See a cat in the neighbourhood? Barbeque it! See a cutesy little kitten hiding under some cartons? Lure it out with some fish, grab it by the scruff of the neck, and toss it out onto the road to become roadkill.

No...wait. That was a very thoughtless and cruel suggestion; imagine the poor car drivers having to wash the innards off the undercarriage. Or causing a biker to skid on the vermicelli...

Besides, kittens are sort of cute, they don't pee or shit on your vehicles, and they can't jump high enough to reach the seat of your bike to sleep on it. So you can probably let em hang around for a while longer till it comes of age.

You'll recognise this coming of age stage when the kitten no longer acknowledges your calls to it, scratches you when you try to play with it, pees on your rims, scratches just about everything it can get its paws on, and kill the poor small animals for fun. When these symptoms start to appear, your kitten has been afflicted by an incurable disease that renders an immediate change of name; your kitten has morphed into a cat. The only solution now would be to eliminate it.

There are a few easy ways to go about doing this without sparing the expense of getting a proper barbeque grill and pit, which most of us flat-dwellers do not have. If you own a vehicle, simply grab the cat by the scruff of its neck and lay it on your exhaust pipe just after you have concluded a long journey.
FAQ #1: What if the cat's fur and flesh sticks to my exhaust? How can I remove this?
While your exhaust is still hot, removal of the charred flesh is relatively easy and can be accomplished with a 20 cent coin. You may prefer to use a 50 cent coin to obtain a better grip. Alternatively, you could wrap the cat up with saran wrap or simply throw it into a handy plastic bag; melted plastic is way easier to remove and comes off easily with a good polish with Autosol.

You could also bring the cat for a ride, since it likes sitting on your ride so much, and then jettison the cargo while you're speeding along the highway like a sack of hot potatos.
FAQ #2: What if the cat attempts to dismount from my vehicle before I move off?
If you asked this, you're a blind moron whose sight and mental disabilities should have had you banned from handling a vehicle in the first place, let alone pillion a cat. I mentioned letting the cat go 'like a sack of pot potatos'....so stuff the damn thing in a sack!
FAQ #3: What if the sack of cat hits the vehicle behind me after I let it go?
Drop the sack in exactly the same manner as you would do a lane change. Check your mirror to ensure that there are no innocent tailgaters who could smash your little bag of goodies, signal to indicate which side you're gonna let em go, check blindspot to be doubly sure, and drop em.

If you do not have access to a vehicle, you could simply drag the feline to the highest ever floor and give it a lesson at skydiving.
FAQ #4: What about the mess downstairs?
Call the friendly folk at the town council to clear up the gunk.

FAQ #5: What if the folk from SPCA come knocking?
Fob em off with some smooth talking dude.
The cat was cold and tried to warm itself up by snuggling up to my exhaust pipe...don't ask me what that plastic bag's for...a raincoat maybe?
Hey...I can't help it if the cat got scared half way through the ride and decided to bail out/ My passenger didn't press the 'stop' button...I didn't know it missed its stop....oh the sack? I think it was going camping.
Guess it was a little too enthusiastic...jumped off before I could fit on the parachute...
If you don't manage to convince them, heck...it's just some time spent cooling your heels in the slammer...

......

Heck...all this talk and I can't even bear to give that cat a good kick on the rump when I see it...
All talk only, no action...juz like the army......

Serene's so gonna kill me...I think Cyn might too...

Someone's ringing the alarm....stuck in the lift at 4 am...wow.
Gonna play Rescue Ranger. Hopefully it's gonna be a gorgeous lass who is so thankful that I saved her that she follows me home and gives me a good lay.

God...I'm tired....
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Erratic Weather Patterns

It's been raining pretty hard the past few days.
At times, the skyjuice falls so hard, I can hardly make out the outline of the adjacent block when I glance out of the window.

Weather like that kinda spoils my plans; it rains like that, I can't go anywhere on my bike. Well...at least it washed the cat pee away...as well as every single bit of chain lube and wax I'd painstakingly applied onto my bike....WTF!!! This kind of weather isn't supposed to happen in April! December, January....and maybe Febuary if you were stretching things a little...but in April?!? Hell...it's supposed to be springtime...if you take the correlation of weather patterns up north into consideration. Heck...it didn't even rain this hard in January...

And so, while waiting for the third very heavy 'scattered showers with thunder' (duh the weather report..) to abate, I thought of a feasible explanation regarding the belated rain, which I expounded on to HQ and PJ. Here's an illustration to help you see the light.

The World



Ok, so let's just say this was the world back in December. Singapore's just over the border of that globe and that rain cloud is poised over our little island, almost in the perfect position to utterly drench our garden city. Just a little more wind and we'll be there.

And then...comes the great earthquake that sets the planet wobbling on its axis, crushing little islets and towns fronting the coastline with the resultant tsunamis. The earth and everything on it shifts...

After the quake


But what's in the sky isn't affected by the quake and remains in place. Result? Singapore is moved away from under the rainclouds by the quake. And so why is it raining now? In April?

The reason...


Well...the clouds simply took that long to recover from their disoriented state and travel here so they could water the many trees, ixora and bouganvilla shrubs that line the freeways and overhead bridges in our garden city.

Of course, our resident geography student PJ begged to differ, saying that rain clouds didn't have to travel all the way to Singapore to release their load; the clouds are too heavy, it starts to rain irregardless of the location. Fine.

And so I came up with another theory.

This, is the world before the two earthquakes.

Before



The equinox occurs in January and December in Singapore, according to PJ. So, in the period before the earthquake strikes, it is the supposed peak period for rain in Singapore, and the rain clouds have already formed here. The equinox occurs in mid-March elsewhere along the equator, and so, in those areas, the rain clouds have only just begun to form, if at all.

The quakes occur, one after another, shifting Singapore out from under the already formed rainclouds, under the rain clouds that had yet to be formed or were forming.

After


And so, what we are experiencing now is the rain from the rainclouds that were still forming or had yet to be formed. Singapore was shifted to a place where the equinox occurs in mid-March, and it does take some time for the water to evaporate and form clouds to rain on us, no? And so, going by this theory, can we expect our weather patterns to change permanently? Can we now say that the equinox for Singapore occurs in mid March?

Heh....it must've been the hot-cold-hot-cold weather patterns that are messing with my mind...

To The Ostrich

Yo man, Happy 22nd Birthday to the meanest, most badass ostrich that ever rocked this town.

I might not believe in the concept of 'my very best friend', but amongst the circle of friends I call my buddies, you'd most definately top the list.

Go lay an egg.

Yoshimura RS-3

All night I lay awake. Staring sightlessly at the ceiling.
Fanning the flames that heated my anticipation till boiling point. The increased horsepower. The improved pickups. The orgasmic aural feedback;The bassy thrumming and trilling as the air pressure generated by the growling v-twin engine forces the exhaust gases through the Yoshimura RS-3 easily hits people standing more than a car length away, turning heads as I cruise down the broadway, or setting off car alarms when I fire up my engines in the multi-storey carpark. The Yoshimura RS-3 that I would be installing into my bike.



Header


I asked around, wanting to be sure it was suitable for my ride. And I was assured that $200 would be a good buy for a RS-3 by my friends. The malay chap who sold me the pipe assured me that it could be used on a 400cc bike; claiming that his friends had used it for their Super 4s on northward expeditions. Convinced, I started making plans. I'd go to Seng Kwang and have it installed, and just enjoy the cacophony of sounds the rumbling hollow end can produces, then fit back my stock end can for the ride home; the RS-3's a world lighter than my stock titanium end can. I'd go down to Looi's and get Meng Tong to tune up the bike, THEN blast the hell out at the NSHW. And I'd blog about it.

I travelled to Seng Kwang in the rain twice just to discover that the chamber size of the RS-3 was too big for a teenie 400cc machine. I'd lose out on power, but the sound would be there. Pay $210 for a power cut? No thank you. I wonder how that malay's friends put the pipe on their Super 4s.....frickin liars. I was offered an alternative, a Muzzy end can of dubious origins that I promptly rejected after considering the fact that I would have to lug 2 exhaust pipes home if I took it.

Bloody muds are all the same. Rileks one korner. Conniving liars to achieve their own ends. Loafers. I ranted and ranted to no end to HQ(Red Leader) and PJ...all the while receiving another shower of blessing from the heavens above while seated at the AMK S-11.

All that anticipation down the drain.

Once again, goes to reinforce this little nugget of truth: Man proposes, God disposes.

Lousy Saturday then, with my Dad leaving for China (God..I'm so gonna miss him), having cat pee on my front rim and canvas (God help it...I'm gonna cook it on my exhaust pipe), riding around in the rain, and no change of exhaust pipe. Got the drill but can't get it to work. Gaah~

Still, it does get one's spirits up listening to PJ go du-diao or indulging in the oh-so-cute Snow Angel as she belts out Guang Liang's Tong Hua over the phone.

Been working on my Ducati...and I'm pretty proud of the progress so far. It's been taking quite a while I know, but waiting an entire day for the paint to dry is paying off; no frickin' fingerprint marks are gonna mar this one. It's looking good so far.

Fairing


Went to Kbox with the Ostrich, the Raccoon and the Fool (Black sheep)...the room was freezing and I couldn't find the form to sing.

Had a lot more to say...but my mind is numb from fatigue...

In the meantime, entertain yourself with this excellent write-up about Xiaxue Killers.

Picking Back Up

Stayed at home for the entire day.
Haven't done that for a long, long time. Was pretty tired out from the previous day, having stayed up all night without sleeping for fear of oversleeping and missing church. Got up for lunch, used the computer briefly before turning the use of it over to my Dad.

And then I broke open my toolbox, and started on my 1st Tamiya model since almost a year back, before the accident that fractured my collarbone. Well, a long time ago, when my ex-gf came back from her trip to Australia, one of the gifts she got me was this steel poster thingy with a Ducati 900cc Mike Hailwood Replica 1978 emblazoned on it. I was contemplating where I'd put it up, and my plans were altered when I came across this hobby shop at Suntec City that sold the same Tamiya model of the Ducati 900cc. I bought it after unsuccessfully attempting to purge that itch inside that festered once I saw the box. I plan to go to Ikea, get me a small wall-mounted shelf, get the display casing from the hobby shop, put the model in once I've completed it, put the display casing on the shelf, and mount the steel poster thingy behind it. Once done, I'll have a mini 'Ducati corner'.

It's pretty tough trying to work on a task that requires attention to the most intricate details on a coffee table. The sofa's too high, the floor is too uncomfortable...I can't seem to find the required degree of comfort in order for me to work at my optimum level. Had trouble with painting the battery (just like my SV's battery went flat that day), had trouble with the throttle and plug cables. But I managed to tame the air brush and came away with some remarkable results for the gold leaf wheels and the fairings.





But the fairings aren't completed yet; Just as I was done with the engine, I discovered that I didn't have the most important colour...Red (x-7) . How to continue like that?!? So annoying. I had to stop work when I could've completed the bike within 2 to 3 days. Now I have to get back to the hobby shops to see if they have this colour. I might have to get a new canister of compressed air...gonna try to airbrush the entire bike.

Seems like my previous post has brought abit a mite of misunderstandings. I'm not withdrawing from outings as a whole. But those outings with people whom I hardly know, where the most I know about them is which bike they ride...exchanging meaningless smiles and even more meaningless gestures...those will be cut out. Phone calls and smses from friends asking me somewhere will continue to be considered. Got it?

There is a limit to every man's patience, even when found guilty. A man may accept his punishment or admonishment with his head bowed in shame the 1st time. Stoic the 2nd time. Accepting the 3rd time. Graciously the 4th time. But if you keep brow beating him over and over again over the same issue, especially when he has humbled himself to admit his fault and beg forgiveness, sooner or later, the man is going to stand up, break the rod that was striking him, and yell something to the effect of 'forget it!'....vulgarities are optional.

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Withdrawal

LMZ's view on the forum bikers is coming to light now.
What he said was true. I really shouldn't have bothered. Well ok. I take that back. I've met some truly swell folk. Wei Siong and his bevy of mahjong kakis Johnson, Samuel n Ivy, Lass, Yao aka Jimmy, some of the PKC Alan, Vince, baby etc...

And I've also met a 'swell' bunch of know-it-alls. People who have opinions on how you should ride your bike. People who think they are very racing. People who think they were very fierce. People who think the world of their years of riding experience. People who think they have the right to boss everyone else around. People who think you are accountable and answerable to them. People who think they know everything. People who think their bike gives them bragging rights. People who smile at you at the surface, but hardly give a damn at all.

Basically, the kind of people you won't want to waste your time hanging around, once you find them out for who they really are.

I joined up with the forum to get to know more people who shared the passion to ride. To discuss bike specs. Share cornering techniques. Sharing the joy of simply riding. Basically how LMZ and I often hang out.

What I've found are people who either:

#1. Are throttle happy. Like to play top speed. Full stop.

#2. Are easily impressed. But when you want to discuss techniques with them they aren't interested (excuses like hum ji or you're too good etc duh)

In the end, I feel my ride hasn't improved. In fact, I feel restricted when I travel in large groups. Unable to ride even at my regular pace. When I travel with the bigger bikes, they zip off at high speeds and then claim that they are fast. What does travelling at full speed on the straights of the North-South Highway prove? Even my sister would be able to; it involves a simple twist of the wrist and the dough to buy a larger capacity machine. Oh, there are some who go fast for the sake of experiencing the thrill of speed, and don't flaunt themselves saying that they are fast or noone can catch them. But going on trips with those who DO flaunt themselves? Ugh...

I feel I've had enough of stomaching those empty talk, the superficial smiles, the frivilent throwing of 'brother'. Somehow, attending all those functions cease to benefit me in any way, and it seems so inane and meaningless, so meaningless that I shall cease to participate in the general outings. Moreover, I feel I have met enough biker friends to form this core group where I can do the things I sought to do when I first registered in the forum. There simply isn't a point anymore. I'd rather be helping Han Qing, riding around with LMZ; I've really neglected my other friends all this while when I was going out with the forum bikers.

I screwed up my first organised trip anyway. Always been content to let others take the lead. It's a thankless job. I organise the trip not because I want to, but because a friend missed the cheese crab outing and wanted to have some rich food that night. I am held back due to circumstances that I feel cannot be avoided; I can't possibly ask my friends to stop washing their bikes 1/2 way, or ask them not to withdraw money when they have no cash, can I? My machine breaks down and I end up having to pay repair fees. And I get screwed left right and center by those who cannot understand my circumstances. It is my fault for making others wait. But it's not as if I wanted all this to happen. And the most I can do as a mere mortal is apologise and beg forgiveness. Beyond that, continue being vindictive by all means. I couldn't give a flying fuck. Not anymore.

Oh yes. This post could be viewed as abrasive. This bugger make us wait still want to show attitude ah? Well...this bugger has humbled himself to apologise, out of a lack of ability to go one step further. Don't wanna accept this apology? There is nothing this bugger can do. And since this bugger cannot do anything about it, this bugger chooses not to give a flying fuck. Comprehende?

The interview went well if you want to know. Astronomical figures in payslips, figures that, if I could get just half of that amount, would suffice to get me a decent car or even a ZX10R. I've been called for the 2nd interview...

Been reading Cassandra's blog, this lass who was at last year's motorshow as a model. A pretty lass is she. But what struck me were the similarities. Her ex had a 3rd party. She felt (for a moment) that she needed a guy who could put his arms around her and tell her everything's gonna be ok. God...that's everything I wish I could give to a girl. I don't need a girl to give me anything. I need someone who'd let me help her, protect her, cherish her. To make me feel needed and appreciated. Probably why I like dogs...they react in almost the ideal way towards my affections. Yep and so like I was saying, it just struck me how I could give her what she needed. Haha ya maybe you could say I'm simply fantasizing, and yes, with the hordes of lusty males with their eyes on her, its simply wishful thinking that I could get her attention out of so many, let alone get to know her, but somehow I get the feeling that I might just be able to sweep her off her feet if she allowed herself to get to know me that much better.
Haha...no, it's not that I've been infatuated or anything. Just a thought that crossed my mind when I read that particular line in her blog entry. Well...whatever. Here's wishing her well amidst her problems and having to fight through that sea of suitors...

Haven't had a wink of sleep...hopefully I'll get to church in one piece.
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Undue Hesitation

When God closes a door, He opens another.
Almost immediately after I left my post as a teacher, I received a call from Zion Pte Ltd, telling me that I'd been recommended for a post as a 'trainee manager' at Prudential. Now, I don't know who recommended me, and I don't know whether the title of 'trainee manager' is simply an upjumped way of describing today's insurance agents. But for the want of something better to do, I arranged an interview with the company.

And then my 2nd uncle comes over from KL with a business opportunity that could take Singapore's building industry by storm should HDB endorse it. And as before, he kept on telling me how I had the gift of the gab and the correct character, that I was born for the marketing field, and spoke of his aspirations of opening a branch in Singapore, and my role in heading this branch.

Insurance. And my uncle's company. Both marketing, sales related. I've had pretty bad experiences with sales related work in the past...involving that fiasco of a credit card sales company that Singtel model look-alike Marilyn roped me into. I've never seriously considered this line ever since then. And now, it seems this is the door God has opened for me, and is ushering me into.

Me? A salesman??

Yeah...so I have the gift of the gab. Does that mean I absolutely have to be a marketer?

Again the dilemma revisited. Is money to be my sole focus? This field opens possibilities undreamed of. The possibility of getting my postman-eating R6, or even going beyond my wildest imagination...a ZX10? Or even a car? A Skyline? But with the rich dividends, surely the risk is equally high?

Or should I do something I consider more meaningful, like councilling...
Why'd God give me this burden for those kids if he opens the door to a field so utterly unrelated to my previous profession? What can I do for them, selling building materials and insurance plans?

And is it absolutely necessary for me to have a degree in Business to be a businessman? I don't have the confidence to ace it, the way I'm so sure I can come away from the degree course in English with at least a 2nd Uppers.

I know this is an opportunity from God, and I know I should be faithfully trusting Him, but I cannot help but hesitate. These are things I have never seriously considered before. How? What to do?!?

Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Edification or Ministration

Went to church today.
Nope...not BBPC. My old church at Mt Carmel. PJ told me she'd give me a morning call...but by the time I woke up it was already too late for the 8:30am service, and so I allowed myself to be pillioned by Dad to Clementi Bible Center where the sermon kicked off just as we sat down. I was in a completely normal state of mind, perhaps feeling a little awkward stepping into that church after so long. In fact, my mind wasn't completely on worship; rather on the bowl of honeydew sago I'd get to enjoy after the service at my favourite dessert stall. Not really the right mindset to step into God's house I know...and so the service commenced. And we sang the first song of praise. I started off on a low pitch, feeling more than a little parched as I hadn't consumed any water before setting out. And then, into the second stanza...my voice simply trailed off as something overwhelmed me.

I wasn't feeling sad, or gloomy. But that something that overwhelmed me gave rise to a first tear that trickled down my cheek. I checked it with my finger. But a second one followed. I wiped it off, trying to hide it from others around me. A third ran down my cheek....followed by a torrent of others. I tried to control it, but it was trying to stop a torrential rain with my bare hands. Just as I thought I had it under control, a second wave of tears came. But this time, instead of the silent flowing of tears, it was the full blown sobbing I experienced. I haven't done that in a long, long time. But here it was. Sobbing, while standing in the Sanctuary, singing through the 2nd and 3rd songs of worship. Dad noticed, and draped his arm around me. Still, it didn't stop.

And as I wept, my mind wondered what was going on. There wasn't any reason for me to be crying, was there? I wasn't feeling sad or anything. And then my mind grasped on something. Out of the blue, as my ideas often come upon myself. Does God truly need our worship? Has he a need for, as Simon said, us to give back to him in the form of worship? What does he gain, having his creation praise and edify his name? Surely, as great as He is, He has no need for all these. And it dawned on me that perhaps, God called upon his people to come and worship him, not for His own edification, but as a form of ministration to His chosen people. The songs, written to praise God, also serve to impress on those who sing it how great and powerful the God we serve is. The songs, pure in melody, work to soothe the pain inside each and every one of His children. Just as his music and the Holy Spirit worked in harmony to soothe my battered spirit. I know it, because my soul sang out when the feeling first made its presence known to me. And so God, in His wisdom, knew that His children would need this ministration, and commanded us to edify Him so that we can receive this. Truly, each and every one of His directives has the benefit of His children in mind. How pure, how absolute...is the love He shows to each of His children! And as I made this realisation, the tears came out even faster, and as I essayed to hide it with my hands, it wet my entire face and both my palms.

I guess God knew what I really needed was a good cry, even if I didn't know it myself. Guess I kept everything inside for way too long.

And I felt so carefree after that. It's as if He heard my cry, went DOWN into that darkened pit, cradled me in His arms and covered me with His wings as he gently lifted me out of the hole, tenderly wiping the tears, dirt and grime from my tear stained face.

God~....I Love God~!!!

Went out with Crystal and Xin Fang to Lot 1 after that. Had quite some fun interacting with them and roaming around aimlessly. Crystal made me this really cute poster :) How sweet huh... :)

Pillioning around happily, taking public transport.

Carrot, Egg and Coffee

A conversation between me and PJ...

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
ever heard of the carrot, egg and coffee story?

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
A young woman went to her mother and told her
about her life and how things were so hard for her.
She did not know how she was going to make it and
wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and
struggling. It seemed asone problem was solved, a
new one arose.

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three
pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon
the pots came to boil. In the first she placed
carrots,
in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she
placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and
boil, without saying a word.

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
tell me when u've read finished

<<<*Metalfyre*>>>aM i At tHe bOtToM yEt~? says:
finish a long time ago

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.
She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a
bowl.

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what
do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she
replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her
to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were
soft.

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg
and break it. After pulling off the shell, she
observed
the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the
daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as
she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then
asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

<<<*Metalfyre*>>>aM i At tHe bOtToM yEt~? says:
finish

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
Her mother explained that each of these objects had
faced the same adversity ... boiling water. Each
reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.
However, after being subjected to the boiling
water, it
softened and became weak.

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had
protected its liquid interior, but after sitting
through
the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however.
After they were in the boiling water, they had changed
the water.

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When
adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and
adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my
strength?

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but
changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but
after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some
other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does
my shell look the same,but on the inside am I bitter
and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

______®vgg² thx for everything, guys says:
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually
changes the hot water, the very circumstance that
brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases
the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean,
when things are at their worst, you get better and
change the situation around you. When the hour is
the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you
elevate yourself to another level?


So....am I a fucking carrot? Is that why I'm called Caleb? Because it sounds like carrot?

Coffee makes me want to shit...
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

Am I At The Bottom Yet?

Once upon a time, long long ago, I lived for my family.
And because my family was pretty religious, I guess I can say I lived for God as well.
And so, when my family crumbled away, I looked for alternatives. I lived for my better half.
And then, when my better half left me, I scrambled for alternatives. I lived for my school kids.
And now, my kids have, for all intents and purposes, been taken away from me.

One by one, all the reasons I used to motivate myself have been snatched away from my trembling, grasping hands. Just like a lame man who gets his walking stick snatched away from him. Oh, God? He's up there still, I know. He has a plan for me, I know. But He doesn't owe me any favours. All this while I've been taking and taking and taking from Him. Do I have the face to take once again?

What now? Would you have this lame man crawl? But to where? I feel so directionless. Nothing to do. I'm floating on the spot, moving nowhere.

All this while, as these things afflicted themselves on me, I always sought to remain optimistic. And tried to encourage myself by telling me that, hey, it can't possibly get worse than this, things can only get better. And then....

.....

It'd get worse.

I've come to a stage where my optimism has worn itself out. And I can only wonder if I have reached the very bottom yet. Or am I still sliding down? Or will the 'bottom' give way and hasten my descent once more? Am I there yet? AM I?!?

I know some will say "Hey, you still have your friends...", which is true. But consider the limit friends can go for you. Can you live for your friends? Your friends have their own lives as well. What more can a friend do than show his or her concern, sympathising, empathising, and cussing at those who brought about my predacaments. These methods, like my own attempts at optimism might have worked at the very start, but can it last for months? It has almost been a year since the first of my troubles started to bubble to the surface. After a while, it loses its meaning, ceases to help. I don't know how or why this happened; I wished to God these encouragements from my friends and their efforts to cheer me up worked as well as before. I wish for anything to lift my spirits. As it is, I only get release when I ride.

The Bible says that God will not test Man beyond his endurance. I believe I am past that limit. Stretched thin to snapping point. With totally nothing to look forward to.

Wtf...

When are things going to turn?

I know what goes up, must come down. But is the reverse necessarily true?
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.

April Fool's Day

I Started A Joke - Beegees

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying
And I didn't see
That the joke was on me...

I started to cry
Which started the whole world laughing
And I didn't see
That the joke was on me...

I looked at the stars
Running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Hurting my head
From the things that I said...

So I finally died
Which started the whole world living
And I didn't see
That the joke was on me

It's April Fool's Day. A day of great merriment and mischief. Guess the big man up there's in the mood as well. Coz the joke's on me.

Woke up to one of my routines for the past 6 months. Tapped the snooze button twice as usual, got up, brushed my teeth and had a bath. Scuttled out shivering to get my working attire, put on my socks and boots, and went to warm up my bike. Rode to school, entering as usual the gate nearest the raised zebra crossing and parking at the number 5 lot as usual. Doffed my helmet, stowed it in the box and strided into the school building. Scanned my card and went up into the Staff Room. Sat down, booted up the computer. Signed the relief schedule. Went down for flag raising. Brought my class up. In the class, the usual banter between students, and my occasional half-hearted attempts to intervene; I didn't have the heart to scold them or discipline them on the last day...didn't want to see them seated quietly anyway. Wanted to see them in action. The racious laughter. The precocious notions. Took pictures with my form class 2.2. The kids were so cute...but I didn't get pictures of all of them as some were camera shy and kept blocking my handphone. Told them I was teaching them for the last time that day, and all of them moaned "hhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~" in unison. All the inevitable questions poured in. Why was I not going to teach them anymore? What was I going to do? Going back to be a Policeman?
At the end of school, I walked back to the staff room, where I received a narry of well wishes and 2 cards. Did my usual checking of email and stuff. And then I did something that I normally didn't do in my routine. I handed over my resources to those taking over me. I returned the keys. I returned the laptop. I returned my access card. I returned my Public Service card. And rode out of the main gate.

And there it was. The closing of another chapter in my life. The end of my teaching career as I see it. No more responsibilities to uphold. Totally floaty and free. And aimless. Without direction. Although I trust God has a plan for allowing all this to happen, I cannot help but wonder what comes next as what lies ahead is obscured by a veritable fog of uncertainty.

I cannot help but ask God what he wants of me, when he gives me the burden for these kids, and then places me in a position where I am helpless to act. Truth be told, I never really liked kids before. But now...the complete opposite is true. But I am content. I have tried my best in spite of the circumstances. Even if I may just be a mere footnote in their lives, I have made an impact in each and every one of their young lives. It pains me to think that most of their bright future might be smothered by the school...

Funny how I always disregard the little details until the moment I am about to lose it.

I miss the kids already... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Fuck...

Wanted to post pictures of the class...but the frikkin picturesky doesn't want to cooperate and there are simply too many pictures to simply slot them in here...the entry would be too darn long....any other alternatives?
Riding hard, fast, safely AND taking a few corners.